A lot of people ask me how I'm doing. If adjusting is hard. A lot of times I told them it was hard. And it was and still is sometimes. I felt like I didn't belong here. I wanted to go back to the place where I felt accepted, loved and appreciated. I wanted to go back to Suriname so bad. I was probably just scared to start the next chapter in my life. I came back to the world and I hated it. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be myself. I learned to love myself on my mission, but why wasn't I able to feel that same way? I watched the movie 'The Greatest Showman' and I love the song 'This is Me'. I felt like a stranger in my own country. At the beginning of the song, she sings 'hide away they say, 'cause we don't want your broken parts'. That's how I felt. I felt like I couldn't be broken. So I hid myself, I didn't want to be seen. I wanted to run away. I wanted to move out. I looked for apartments, but when I prayed about that, Heavenly Father was like, no you are staying heren. I didn't understand. I was so sure that would make me a lot happier. But He knew it wouldn't. So I felt so unhappy for these two months and I was scared to get depressed.
I remember thinking about moving back to Suriname. I didn't want to do the study I was doing. That's when I decided to kneel down and ask Heavenly Father. I even went to the temple to pray about these things, because I did not know what to do. A week later, I went on an internship for a full week at an elementary school. It was so much fun and I realized that this is what I wanted to do. This is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. The kids just made me so happy and helped me see who I was. Kids are just amazing and they accept you as you are. That's when I realized that I had not been the person I had become on my mission and the person that I wanted to be. At the end of the week, it was General Conference. That changed my life. I felt prompted to share my story, because I know that there are a lot of returned missionaries who are struggling.
So how did General Conference change my life? I realized that I was hiding myself, and that I didn't share my light, because I was scared. President Nelson invited all the sisters to hold a social media fast for 10 days. So I decided to stop using Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram. Before General Conference I already felt prompted to spend less time on my phone. So I decided to use my phone less in public spaces, so I
would be able to share my light, to share the gospel if possible. There were so many times where I just looked around and thought to myself 'this world is so pretty, full of amazing people'. I smiled at people and instead of looking at my phone I could see them smiling back. That filled my heart with joy.
So I want to invite everyone to look around and see who needs you today. Everyone could use a smile. Especially from you! I want to invite you to do a social media fast for 10 days to see how it changes your life. I was able to have more time for school, hobbies and others around me. I used WhatsApp and Messenger to uplift my friends. I also had more time for my family. I argued with my parents a lot these last two months, but now I feel more love for them. I try to serve and help them.
So people, look up. Notice the people and the beauty around you. I promise that it will make you happy. Because it made me happy. And I thank my Heavenly Father for the change that I've experienced. I'm glad that I'm not the same person as I was on my mission. I'm trying to be even better. Never stop becoming, becoming like our Saviour Jesus Christ. I know it was only because of Him that I was able to make that change. I applied the Atonement of Jesus Christ and I applied Jesus Christ in my life. That's when things started to change. Never forget Him. You don't have to do it alone. He's always by your side, but you need to decide if you want to walk with Him.
I know the gospel of Jesus Christ ahs been restored. I know Russell M. Nelson is called of God to guide us now. Listen to him. I know Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are always there to guide you and me. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
